Dying people's top 5 regrets revealed and they may just change your life

11:51, 17 March 2015
y Sarah Ridley

Palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware recorded her patients' biggest regrets in their final moments and said: "Some incredibly special times were shared"  

A palliative nurse who spent years caring for the dying has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives.
Bronnie Ware, who counselled patients in their final 12 weeks, recorded their last wishes so we might learn before it's too late.
When questioned whether they would do anything differently, Bronnie noticed "common themes surfaced again and again" and she recorded the top five in her blog, called Inspiration and Chai.

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Top five: Spending more time with loved ones and not working so hard were popular regrets

Bronnie, from New South Wales, Australia, said: "My patients were those who had gone home to die.

"People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth.
"Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them."
Bronnie's observations gathered so much attention worldwide that she wrote a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, which has been translated into 27 languages.

The top five regrets:

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Staying true: Happiness is a choice

5) I wish that I had let myself be happier
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.
"The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.
"Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

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Last wishes: Keeping in touch with friends also made the list

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.

"Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.
"There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

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Express yourself: Harbouring anger and resentment can cause illnesses

3) I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
"As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
"Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

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Tough break: One of the common regrets people have at the end of our lives is that they wish they hadn't worked so hard

2) I wish I hadn't worked so hard
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.
"Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

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Touching: Bronnie's blog was so popular worldwide that she recorded the top five regrets in a book

1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
"Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

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